Conceptions of Friendship

In college, I had a sociology professor have us write an essay about why conceptions of friendship vary. I don't remember a word of what I wrote but have pondered his question many times since. There are thousands of quotes on the subject of friendship, a personal favorite is from the movie Stand By Me:

"Friends come in and out of your life, like busboys at a restaurant."

If I were asked today to tell about my friendships and what they mean, I would begin with what another professor of mine from college once told me on the subject: the basis of friendship is trust. Looking back on his pithy explanation almost 40 years later, it still rings true. I have lost and gained friends depending upon my belief in their reliability, goodness, and honesty. Though this doesn't answer the original question of why ideas of friendship will vary from person to person.

I know now that this question has no single answer and that my professor wanted us to use the books we had been reading as a basis for our essays. Still it would be helpful, and many hurt feelings would be prevented, if we all agreed on what friendship means and the amount of liberty we can take in the friendships that we make. This is, of course, impossible and everyone will always give themselves the benefit of the doubt, usually before they grant this gift even to a friend.

The friendships we have as children appear to us at the time as though they will last a lifetime. Though we all know this not to be the case. A small number will survive and can be renewed from time to time at reunions and by chance or scheduled meetings, letters, or email. It is these few that we cherish and long to keep and to not pass any more judgements upon.

When we get to the end of our lives we hopefully have learned to make amends, say our apologies, and enjoy the time we have left to explore our memories of times and places long gone. I can't say that this prospect is easy, but it's certainly worth the effort for everyone involved when slights are forgotten and the true meaning of what our friends mean to us is considered anew.